*c la n d e s ti n e

2006-11-20T13:24:00.000-08:00

chrissieeee i sent you something! have you recieved it??

and i think you wuold love living here in the winter cos everyone just goes round in nice warm hoodies and sweats and noone cares (: it's awesome. but i still wanna get some of them boots.

2006-11-20T13:18:00.000-08:00

heeheehee i'm so excited for new york! we're leaving in two days! (: (: (: four whole days of shopping and thanksgiving food to look forward too and i'm meeting zarziee too yayyy! i can't wait!! then aftre that it's like two more weeks and i'm back in singapore. how time flies

the other night i went gyming and it was like -5degrees outside and i just wore shorts HA i am growing resistant to the cold.

ok then after that i went to do laundry and i met these GAY GUYS. they are sooo cute! they were definitely gay cos 1. he stood and talked with his hand on his waist all the time 2. he wore a fluffly baby blue snow cap with a big poof ball on top and string things to tie under his chin 3. he has more clothes than me (he had 2 months of laundry to do and that was like three huuge piles of clothes which took three loads and that's - according to him - only 1/10 of all his clothes i'm so jealous) and 4. he gave me one of those pat pat on the back hugs when we said goodbye. omg i love him! they're sooo cute and adorable and he's from portarico (ok so i can't spell) heeeee i wanna create oppurtunities to reunite with him hahahaha

i'm so scared of getting bored of dan baby cos we spend so much time together but bahh whatever it's fuun (: i will not think about it now. we have new york to look forward to! whee!

2006-11-13T22:37:00.000-08:00

i think i can honestly say i feel better now. even when i think of some things that would have previously gotten me upset now, i don't feel it anymore. instead i feel your reassurance that yes, everything will work out fine and that i have no reason to be doubtful. i feel calmer and more at ease and i'm glad in a way that you kinda forced me to tell you. i know you'll never be overly pushy but you know when to help me overcome something. and that's what i really need.

so thank you.

what's happened has happened and i think i can put that behind now.

and now i think i really can see something bright ahead and from here on, it can only get better.

2006-11-12T22:47:00.000-08:00

because i am and you don't know.

2006-11-12T20:08:00.000-08:00

selfish.
think too much.
indecisive.
insecure.

there i've said it.

2006-11-12T19:30:00.000-08:00

i wonder who reads my blog. i wonder how i can find out.
i hope you're reading this somehow-but i know that it cannot be.

why does everyone make sucha big deal about everything. including you like five people have asked me about it. for god's sake just leave it. i'll sort it out myself slowly and quietly and noone will ever have to know and then one day it'll be like it never happened. then everyone will be happy instead of making something out of nothing. some times you just have to leave things alone you know. and it's not like anyone can help me it's something i have to fight and mull over myself. ponder why the hell i'm like this and what i should do to become a better person. find out the root cause and kill it. and have more faith and trust in you. as rationally there is no reason not too. it's just my stupid little brain that refuses to. or maybe my heart. my stupid little heart that just isn't listen to the brain it's suppose to and always getting itself tangled in a new web. the old and the new meshed into one and making everything even stickier than before. it kinda sucks.

something has to describe it.

could you let down your hair
be transparent for awhile, just a little while
to see if you're human after all

honesty is a hard attribute to find
when we all want to seem like 
we've got it all figured out

well let me be the first to say that i don't have a clue
i don't have all the answers
not going to pretend like i do

i haven't memorized all of the cute things to say
but i'm working on it
maybe i'll master this art form someday
if i quote all the lines off the top of my head
would you believe
that i truly understand all these things i've said

well i haven't got it all figured out quite yet but
even if it takes my whole life to get to where i need to be
and if i should fall to the bottom of the end
i'll be one step back to you

2006-11-06T18:56:00.000-08:00

ok i've discovered the most fun thing in the world and everyone must go try it now:

take one marshmallow (the big fat ones heee)
and put it in the micrwave for about 15sec
then stand back and watch!

heee it's fun and delicious! two in one! have fun and be sure to keep a close eye on it

heee it makes me so damn happy its unbelieveable

2006-11-04T16:26:00.000-08:00

slowww snow is fantastic (: don't worry i'll bring you lots and lots and lots of photos. i'd even bring you some of the real thing! but it would melt in singapore the minute i got off the plane ):

i am so strong! three layers of clothes only in the snow!

2006-11-04T16:20:00.000-08:00

omg. yesterday i went all the way down to the secretary of state to finally get my license and i FORGOT TO BRING ONE STUPID SHEET OF PAPERRRRRRR grrr it was this dumb thing that says my address but really i didn't need it cos my address is printed on my temporary license but SHE WAS SO ANALLLLL

it was a horrible day

firstly thomas was suppose to send us down but he was late for a meeting so he DIDN'T but only sent us to the transit bus stop to take a bus. that's not that bad cos the bus goes like to the sos doorstep but then OUR BUS BROKE DOWNNNN so we had to wait another half an hour for the next bus (we already waited like 20 minutes for the first one) then when we got there it was so close to closing time that they didn't allow inka to take her theory test so she was thoroughly pissed off cos we wasted an hour already getting there. then i couldn't do my thing either!!!!!!!! so we grumpily took a cab home. -__-

WHAT A HORRIBLE DAY

OH then the dumb cab driver cunningly talked to my for daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaamn long after he got to my place so the meter over ran and the cab cost like 20 bucks omg RAAAAAAAAA

even more reason to get a car

2006-11-04T16:14:00.000-08:00

i'm at the library studying now and i'm so incredibley boreddd

anyway i was suppose to have a girlie sleepover thing at my friend's the other night and it started out well we had pizza movies and all the shit and it was damn fun and we ate sooo much omg but then guess what. in the end i went home and daniel came with me. haha and only fel spent the night (because she was sexiled haha)

i couldn't help it he looked so sad and puppy dog like and he kept saying it was ok but he was just hurt and he didn't want to talk about it then and he wasn't angry (he really wasn't) but just that my roomie was out for thenight so it would be nice if he spent the night so raaa in the end i gave in and he was so happy (: it made me so happy! the way that i can make him so happy by just a small thing really makes me feel good not like powerful or something but just nice that i'm so appreciated and wanted by someone. and that what i do really matters. he was so happy and smiley after that that i knew it was worth it. i know he'd do the same for me and anytime i needed anything he would come running. not cos like he's henpecked or whatever but he really cares. hee i feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

it's been going so well it can only get better.

2006-11-02T21:18:00.000-08:00

it snowed today for the first time!
wheeee
it was really pretty and actually not that cold at all, like -5degrees but it felt fine
the snow looked so beautiful like a thin white fluffy layer on the grass and trees and all i actually quite like it (: this kinda of cold is better than the wet rainy kinda which was just really depressing.. but today's was just awesome.
yayy. snoww!

2006-10-29T22:55:00.000-08:00

darlings who say i'm not communicating..

please: leave me offline messages. facebook (HAHAHAHA). or email me at ilau@umich.edu

these are like the fastest three ways k. i'm really sorry i don't really check my hotmail anymore.. no time ): sorry babes

2006-10-29T22:19:00.000-08:00

guess what! i got my driver's license! YAYYYYYYY
so pedestrains, watch out
drivers, beware
i may have a license, but i don't know how much that actually says about my driving skills. and knowing my past record with cars........ let's just say i'm not ever going to drive alone or any other car that's not mine.

so halloween was real fuuun (: it was disastrous initially cos we were gonna party on friday but there was a severe weather alert (negative temperature, wind and thunderstorm with possible snow) so we decided prancing around in our costumes jacketless was not a good idea. we watched a moive (prestige which was awesome!) and just hung out at this pizza place instead.

but on saturday we went partyingggg hee it was damn freaking cold too like minus something and i walked around only in my one very-thin-layer-short-skirt geisha costume. i thought i was gonna die. seriously. i can withstand any temperature now. i dropped by at the sing soc party thingie first to like show face haha then we went to this halloween party which was really crowded and really fun cos everyone was dressed up and shit. my dumb camera decided to die halfway so i don't have too many photos. grr. i shall take from people! and three random people asked me to take photos with them too hee so it kinda made enduring the cold in my costume worth while. kinda.

the pimp!

me and my inka baby the leprachaun

darling! hee we were suppose to go together like i'm a geisha and he was gonna be my japanese business man customer dude but he ended up being a.. pimp

all red

it started out good..

then everyone got a view of my panties. woohoo.

my loverss

2006-10-24T00:47:00.000-07:00

hey frenzzies thanks (:
i just feel abit down some days but i'm really ok. that was just a particularly bad day i guess so i just needed to get it out.. i don't actaully have such strong feelings about it. n i feel pretty secure in this relationship (can't say the same for previous ones) so it should be fine (: you guys are really the best

and yes it is official hee

thanks becky. thanks cel <3

2006-10-23T17:26:00.000-07:00

shit i just saw my psych grades. 81%. not good. shit just what i needed to end my shitty day.

i felt so so friendless today ): i don't know why. i seem to be struck with this feeling often here.
it's just that i've come to rely on them so. they are my family you know.

saddy sense: ): ): ): ):

2006-10-22T19:11:00.000-07:00

ok i hate it that you just saw through me like that. i mean yeah i do hate her with all my living soul and if it were legal to kill one person i think i would shoot her now but sheesh i didn't want you to know that. (i'm so proud of myself that there's noone else i wanna kill now by the way) why why why did you have to say that? and make me think about it again and care. god i really feel like becoming her best friend and forcing myself to befriend her. even if it kills me. i mean keep your enemy closer right? god i don't even understand why this is such a big issue. i mean there is no issue. seriously.

i mean i do hate her but who the hell needs to know that right.

should i act nice?

omg what's wrong with me why am i like that?

i will just not care. whatever.

2006-10-22T17:33:00.000-07:00

HALLOWEEN SHOPPINGGG

dan the dummyy
on the bus there//daniel's "thomas" smile

pimp with bling haha star struck
felicia the naughty police woman hahaha

kill felicia!!!!

heehee

mexicano?

2006-10-22T17:12:00.000-07:00

i am so so very angry. i just did the stupidest thing in the world and it's just so ridiculous. if it weren't for the fact that it's happening to me, i might even be able to laugh about it but right now IT'S NOT FUNNY. noone better laugh at me cos i'm so upset about it ): last night, i spilled a cup of chicken star noodle soup on my phone ): and like all the tiny stars n chicken infiltrated into my phone so now it's really screwed up. it was vibrating non-stop after the incident (like it was having seizures - i was going to send it to the hospital) and i even tried to hairdry it but soup was still leaking out. it was so sad. my poor baby of less than six months was dying right before my eyes and i couldn't do anything to help him ): i'm so sad. i have no idea what i'm gonna do now and what i'm gonna tell my parents but well, if anyone wants me to call them.. please post your numbers for me ):

what's left of my poor baby ):

after the death of my darling, we went to some lousy boring party. the music sucked and so did the crowd. i wanted to go to some other frat party with fel but.. other commitments forced me to choose otherwise. and then during the party feli like got along so damn well with the girl i HATE. hate hate hate. i mean i know this sounds petty and shit but she's my friend and i thought she would be on my side and hate bitches that i hated! ok that sounded very immature. anyway i bet fel doesn't even look at it the same way or has any thought about it at all like me. but it just kinda bugged me i guess that my friend was befriending the enemy.. or the enemy was infiltrating in. whatever. and that the girl i hate then proceeded to leave fel a message on her wall. shit i'm being damn childish. please stop it and don't embarrass yourself. shit i'm sure fel doesn't think of it the same way at all. if she's even put any thought into and knowing felicia it's a no. and after that felicia even said she's not that bad ):

what little consolation i have is that during the weekend we went halloween shopping! and that was damn fun. we tried on damn alot of weird shit haha but i still don't know what i want to be. guess i'll just have to shop somemoreeee!

smiley sense: ): ): ): ):

2006-10-18T22:28:00.000-07:00

i just wanted to say - cos i'm oh so free and do not feel like doing econs yet - that blogspot looks so much better than livejournal hahaha so much less.. grey

by the way everyone, please go and get the meningitis shots. it's a scary brain eating disease. shudders.

i've also discovered that my favorite temperature is now like 15degrees haha it's so nice and cooling and you can layer and look good but not layer too much and look fat. it's comfortable to walk in too without perspiring. whee. i am so strong.

smiley sense: (: (: (: (:

2006-10-18T21:50:00.000-07:00

ok so i've just had the best dinner ever. it's at this place called chop house and it was so so good. i'm sitting here being full and happy just thinking about it (: it was a make up dinner for our one month and it was delicious. thanks babe

so psych is over n im oh so happyyyy! no more studying for awhile to come so i'm really slacking off n not doing anything n I DON'T CARE hee life is good (:

on friday there's this thing called a black out (no the lights won't be all turned off) party n i'm not sure if i want to go cos i think someone would be angry if i did but. hmssss

shit i feel like rambling now cos i'm just so happy pysch is over!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i am never taking a science course like that again. dumb me.

chanchan how have you been?

song of the week: lips of an angel (go for it. download it now)

2006-10-18T09:39:00.000-07:00

by the way someone's blog *ahem*cel*ahem* is still very empty

2006-10-18T09:32:00.000-07:00

CEL sorry i mentioned darius.. maybe that would be a good way to inroduce him into the picture hee (: anyway you still havnt said WHO said daniel's hot yet! chrissie usually calls my handphone haha oh no we have the same problem! my cell or land line phone cant make international calls! so you gotta call me n i'll call you back on skype or something. the other day i called becky (in the uk) for one n a half hours on daniel's phone n after that his jaw dropped (cos it costs like 2 bucks a minute) and it couldn't close again hahaha but i'll pay him back! n no of course titus or daniel doesn't read my blog! i made the dumb mistake of telling duane already and that was not good.. he read about daniel :l hee i'm not damaged.. still in one piece (: tell me about med school! i have a psych neroanotomy exam today!

love love <3

2006-10-16T12:28:00.000-07:00

cos today's our day

for all the sweetness. thank you baby dumpling (:

2006-10-16T12:16:00.000-07:00

babes i'm so sorry i havn't been posting
in a list and remind me to expand:

FALL BREAK
CHICAGOOOOO road trip! plus car crash ): shopping (: fooood char kuay teow chicken rice prataa hokkien mee fried rice kang kong! fire
THE BAGEL BUSINESS
PEEING IN THE DIAG hahahhaha
ALL THE BOY DRAMA god i HATE boys they suck shit sometimes
DANIEL my darling it's been one month
CARRRRR
BECKY my one and only you make me cry and laugh
JT: SEXY BACKK
FIGHT CLUB]
THE BITCH the girl who all other girls hate. the girl who only hangs out with others like her. those girls who we have a theory on what the hell they are. the girl who thinks she's so damn hot. the girl hanging on all the guys with batty eyelashes. the slut who backstabs. watch out bitch.

who said daniel's hot?? and who left that message? hahahahaha one word: unbelieveable
but tell me who (:

cel i owe you a call hee hugs
chrissie thanks for always calling and talking to me (:

daniel's stayed over for the past three nights. i really really really like him so much and he's sucha cutie but i just can't say love. i can't tell him that i love him and i can't say it. maybe i don't. i don't know but he makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside (: (: (:

smiley sense: (: (: (: (:

2006-10-11T22:14:00.000-07:00

this always comes back to me. i wonder w h y

i keep my paint brush with me
wherever i may go,
in case i need to cover up
so the real me doesn't show
i'm so afraid to show you me,
afraid of what you'll do
that you might laugh or say mean things.
i'm afraid i might lose you.

i'd like to remove all my paint coats
to show you the real, true me,
but i want you to try and understand,
i need you to accept what you see.
so if you'll be patient and close your eyes,
i'll strip off all my coats real slow,
please understand how much it hurts
to let the real me show.

now my coats are all stripped off,
i feel naked, bare and cold.
and if you still love me with all that you see,
you are my friend, pure as gold.

i need to save my paint brush though,
and hold it in my hand,
i want to keep it handy
in case somebody doesn't understand.
so please protect me, my dear friend
and thanks for loving me true,
but please let me keep my paintbrush with me
until i love me too.

for you: now do you understand why you have to love yourself?

2006-10-11T22:08:00.000-07:00

sorry i've been soooo busy.

anyway i just had a damn nice talk with v (: i love v.

econs is overrrrrr yayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy hee

so i need to finally let this out. until the day i was left to scrub the dining hall walls, i didn't realise the damage you've done to me. i didn't think it was so bad but now i know you've really screwed up my perspective of relationships. you've made it so bad that i just can't give anymore and i'm not me anymore. and i hate that. i hate me for not being me. i hate me for not letting go. and i know i can't blame you for all of it because i made the decision to let you do this to me but why did you do it. why did you have to be like that? was that one experience (cos i can't even call it happiness) worth the way it's made me now. you changed me and made me morbid and scrutinize things that i never would have before. i didn't care before why did you make me care. in some ways i hate you for that. i hate you for messing up every relationship to come. for making me paranoid. about everything. for making me analyze everything. i know it's not just a girl thing to do and that you made me into this. i keep thinking everyone's going to be like you.

2006-10-03T19:49:00.000-07:00

becky, i have to ask you something

do you ever get any of my offline messages??

i don't know how to communicate with you otherwise.
YOU'RE NOT GIVING ME YOUR PHONE NUMBER

2006-10-02T22:53:00.000-07:00

hey chrissie

here's my number: +1 734 3553 909
skype nick: izzie. (with the dot!)

everyone CALL ME (:

happyyyyy

2006-10-01T14:33:00.000-07:00

omg i just found out the other boys spent sooo much more money than me at birch run the other day.

nick spent 900 bucks hahaha

oh yeah and the other day i was showering at daniel's place so it's like a dorm boy's bathroom right.. then there was these two guys in there too and i could hear them talking and they were like omg look at that dude in the shower - he has RED toenails! hahaha then the other guy was like shit that's damn gay. then i think they finally realised no it's not possible for a guy to have red toenails (and such small feet) so they became damn quite and i felt damn damn embarrassed and awkward standing naked in the shower and when they finally went out, one guy shouted: hey where the last ones leaving now so you can come out! byee!

2006-09-30T23:47:00.000-07:00

i'm so annoyed at this person right now.

what the bloody hell talking to me like i'm so damn dumb when you're not exactly very bright yourself. who the hell do you think you are? i mean i know you're not serious, but seriously you are in no position to make me feel stupid!
if i wanted to, you'd feel like shit.

2006-09-30T22:56:00.000-07:00

last night we had a damn nice family dinner at seoul gardern (very different from that in singapore) which was damn yummers then we went for nectos' GAY NIGHT hahaha shit it was damn super fun. the gays are damn damn super hot and they all take off their shirts! growl. haha and they all dance damn well and make out with each other and shit. they're damn friendly too so they'll come and dance with you damn hot also hahaha rena says daniel was jealous but seriously, they're gay dude. here's some photographic proof. OH and they played some mambo music!!!!!! damn good.

what we really do in the car..

on e

t w o

t h r ee!

seafood hot pot

hee (:

omg then daniel came too and he took off his shirt. which is like the symbol of gayness so he got hit on by damn alot of gay guys. how gay is that? he got groped la hahaha he has a photo with this gay dude too.. hot stuffs hee

i want more gay night

2006-09-30T22:42:00.000-07:00

we went shopping at this factory outlet today and i spent like 300 bucks hahahaha

but it was worth it (:

we were suppose to leave at 9:30am cos it's an hour drive away but we ended up leaving at 10:30am -_- typical haha anyway just from areopostale alone i spent like 100 bucks hahaha but i bought daaamn alot of good stuff! i got a thick white coat that's lined with fur, a tee, a woolly charcoal BIG button down sweater, a sweater and a damn pretty white hoodieee. i got stuff from gap, american eagle, addidas, rue21, claire's and pepperidge farm too haha i think the best buy was a pair of SIXX DOLLAR skinny brown coudoroy pants from gap. oh and the three dollar tee shirt and tanks. those were from rue21 and a.e and damn worth it too.

hahaha shit i love shopping

oh well daniel the gay spent more than me he bought like $800 worth of stuff which wasn't half as cool as mine. he bought a ton of tees and tennis shoes ??

i'm so scared i'm spending too much time with daniel.. and that it's like moving too fast. i don't really like it that we do so much stuff i mean i like it but i don't.. like it. haha shit what am i talking about.. but i do think all that stuff makes us alot closer and i like spending the night too just to spend more time together. and he's comfy to sleep with (: i'm so scared he'll get bored of me.. so i will try not to put too much into it yet. just in case.

the more i look at him i can't help it, the more i want to look at him

smiley sense: (: (: (:

2006-09-27T17:33:00.000-07:00

you know what. i'm really enjoying college alot more than when i first got here. it's really so much better now and i love ann arbor. i wish you guys were all here with me cos it's like the perfect college town! haha seriously i mean it's not perfect perfect and.. well you know what i mean. i really like it here (: if you guys were all here.. it'd really be perfect.

some funny photos

our BURN BOARD. for all the nasty boys. inspired the night we were all feeling horny but not getting any haha (i'm kidding)

amanda trying to imitate the hockey player next door. spirit fingers baby

how we wash our dishes

2006-09-27T17:10:00.000-07:00

i just realised something.
the thing with daniel is that i can show my inner nerd which i couldn't before.

hahahaha

2006-09-26T22:24:00.000-07:00

today was a good day (:

my exam and essays are finally over and daniel bought me a huuuge spongebob body pillow!!!!! heee how exciting. it's yellow and soft and fuzzy and happy and i love it. cept now my bad has two normal pillows, two body pillows, a comforter, a throw, sweater and sweat pants and a giraffe so where am i gonna sleep?

we went to watch a movie too cos i really just don't want to do work anymore. everything kinda turned out fine. my exam was kinda bad but it's over. the meeting with the resident director was pleasant enough and our only 'punishment' is three hours of community service in the dinnig hall haha which will be quite an experience. i've gotten over my dumb insecurities and i have friends. what more could i possibly want?

the movie we watched was really good too! it's called lil miss sunshine so if it's showing, watch it.

the other night, me amanda and rikki (girlllll) had a nice night in with chinese take out, movies and nail polish haha it was really fun and we had the most interesting conversation about penis sizes. doesn't a water bottle sized one sound painful? haha i don't want to have sex anymore.

smiley sense: (: (: (:

2006-09-24T12:09:00.000-07:00

i just have to get this out of me
i found out the other day that there's this guy who doesn't like me much. not that i am very close to him or particularly fond of him but i guess it just kinda sucks to find out someone else doesn't like you. no matter who it is. especially when this dude is close to other people i know. i don't really want to tell other people it kinda bothers me anyway cause i don't know.. it sounds kind of weird? and petty? and superficial? and i don't even know why i care about it so much when everyone else says just ignore it and noone else seems to think the same way. ackk ok i will not let it bug me or affect me. it's only one guy for god's sake. but does that mean i'm a very unlikeable person? i guess i don't really want to think i'm an unlikeable person in any degree..
i will not think about it the next time i see him or talk to him or let it influence me in anyway. (i will not) i really don't know why i must dwell on it. suckks. please go away. i don't care whatever short comings you see in me. ok after this i will not think about it anymore and just study for my exam. which is tomorrow. god i wish you didn't tell me he hates me. i don't want to knoww

2006-09-24T00:56:00.000-07:00

squishh

look it's youu

2006-09-23T17:27:00.000-07:00

shit this is not working
i hate this
i hate this shit
make it all go away
i hate getting my period
i hate waiting for it to come
i hate feeling like this
i don't want to anymore
i feel like cry for some damn strange reason but i want to be happy at the same time and make it all go away and pretend its not there and just push it away and push everyone away and only have one thing left

2006-09-21T23:47:00.000-07:00

my certain favorite song hahaha it's kinda er girlish

it’s just too little too late 
a little too wrong 
and i can’t wait 
but you know all the right things to say 
you know it’s just a little too late 
you say you dream of my face 
but you don’t like me 
you just like the chase 
to be real, it doesn’t matter anyway 
you know it’s just too little too late 

i was young and in love 
i gave you everything but it wasn’t enough 


i can't help it i'm addicted to it
and to you

2006-09-20T23:48:00.000-07:00

sometimes i really miss titus and i think about all those times he would reassure me about everything (again and again and again and again..) and comfort me whenever i needed it and he said that would any other guy seriously put up with all that shit? and now i think not. maybe he really is the only one who would endure my whinning and worrying. maybe i really didn't know what i had until it's gone. maybe he's the one. is he?

and when i think about all the things he would say to me and message me i know those are the words i want to hear. and what's more i know he knows those are the words i want to hear. and sometimes it didn't really matter anymore whether he was truly saying them or just saying them because that's what i wanted to hear. because in the end, i got what i wanted right? and it made me feel better. he really understood me. and when will the next one come along

maybe you just have to be patient and wait.

maybe he'll come back and it's all meant to be.

maybe he won't and there's soemthing better out there.

smiley sense: (: (

2006-09-20T21:00:00.000-07:00

sorry chrissie i will go on skype noww!

quote of the day: mitch doesn't have a heart. mitch has a penis.

2006-09-20T20:50:00.000-07:00

eeks a really quick one before i conquer my econs homeworkkkk!

i dissected a sheep brain the other day! whee

my bra broke during lunch yesterday omg n i had to go through the whole day with it like that omgg n its the one that schanie and mich gave me for my birthday ):

daniel wrote me a love poem last night during dinner cos he lost his voice haha so he had to write it all down heeee i like love letters

we had a damn expensive dinner to celebrate the september babiess birthdaysss

i am damn busy next week. a test. THREE essays. a paper. an EXAM. ackk

i just watched half of troy

2006-09-18T14:46:00.000-07:00

lots of very random photos haha just for fun (:

groccery shopping! me and mel holding our baby eggplants hee god eggplants are so cute. i love them. especially the tiny ones omg oh this was after a jap dinner where they have really good ramen. it's better than the one in singapore i swear.

me and shaun at the gallop park bbq! daaamn yummy chicken wings

so cuute hahaha i'm spongebob! hee target run

me and felicia eating these huuuge yummy burritos. it is really damn good. goes to show there is good food here but they're really way too big.

look at my new pretty home town below! i really do love it here. the weather's good the people are friendly and the food's actually not half bad. and it's picturesque.

haha sorry this one kinda screwed up

2006-09-18T14:28:00.000-07:00

i am so relieved. i was suppose to meet my resident hall director today to discuss my misconduct but the meeting was rescheduled. YESS! and and the email he sent out to reschedule ended with a 'have a nice day!' so honestly, how bad can this conduct meeting be?? YESSSSSSSSSSSSS!

the reason why i have to see him though is quite dumb. a group of us were drinking in adriel's room and then we got kinda noisy so we got caught by the resident advisors (RAs) and they like reported us. but no police were involved thank god. cos there's this dumb law here that you can't drink until you're 21 and not only that you can't even be in the prescence of alcohol! dumb right? so anyway even though they can't really prove who drank and who didn't, they're charging us for being noisy and being in the same damn room as two very expensive bottles of alcohol. so we have to meet up to discuss t and see our punishment etc etc. so far the worse punishment was writing an apology letter haha so i don't even know why i'm so paranoid. even better is that me and dan weren't in the room but outside when they caught us so they can't even link us to the alcohol. so he keeps saying everything will be fine and dandy and he's seen his RD already and nothing happened. but then again that's what he said about the taxi too..

oh yes. and the other day dumb daniel made me smoke something i am not suppose to. it was kinda fun while it lasted.. you can't stop smiling haha and all your senses kinda become elevated (or at least mine did) but after that i felt kinda shitty. after awhile, you get this weird feeling at the back of your eye balls. like aliens poking them haha or thats how this other guy described them but it really does feel like that! but i think that's the last of that.

2006-09-18T14:23:00.000-07:00

myth number t w o: americans don't dress well and aren't trendy.

this is quite true HAHA
they dress alot (alot alot alot) more casually and even those who dress up do it in a different way. like everything is in solid bold colours and they just layer alot. kinda like the way joanie dresses. not saying of course taht joanie poanie isn't trendy hee she is! but you know what i mean bout the layering? joanieee i miss you ): and our retardedness ): they don't really wear elaborate jewelery either and noone NOONE wears heels. its kinda weird actually. they all wear flip flops or boots everywhere but i guess its cos you walk so damn freaking much.
but they do wear makeup like every single day. it becomes a permanent fixture on their face and i guess that glams it up a notch. so of course, i had to buy a ton of new clothes (: hee still not enough yet but no worries, i'm working on it!

2006-09-17T16:58:00.000-07:00

a short one ok.

it was so damn hot today. felt so good (: it was like 24degrees? yum i could wear shorts and a spag and the sun was great. anyway thanks so muchie for the recipes becky! we were suppose to cook on friday but then we got too lazy n watched a movie instead haha

shit i gottta run late for dinner! butttt sept 16 (:

smiley sense: (: (: (: slowly but surely

2006-09-14T23:06:00.000-07:00

today was quite a good day (:
i only had one class at 830am and after that i went for a yummy bagel with inka! it had like ham n cheese n egg n everything damn goood. then after that we hit the gym n i ran for like freaking long. half an hour i think n we even did weights so after that we felt so damn good we didn't eat lunch haha
then we went to study a bit then i met daniel n cos of the lack of lunch we went for a huuuuuge dinner. chinese. i mean we didn't know the portions were gonna be sooooo huuuuuuuge but i swear we had enough food to feed a family of five instead of both of us. we only had three dishes ok! then we had ice cream after too hahaha ohwell so much for the gyming. i guess its kinda like.. i didn't eat the whole day and i didn't gym either haha
so i feel all nice and happy and comfy now (:

oh cept i just got a court order letter cos we got caught drinking that time at adriel's........ but besides that everything's fine and dandy. (i think i've explained this drinking problem but if i havn't.. it wasn't pretty) i think i'm ready for this.

today was still a happy day.

smiley sense: (: (: (:

2006-09-13T22:55:00.000-07:00

oh i've finally decided. no sorority. yayy
i even went to rush an asian one today but that was kinda silly and pointless cos i mean i am in the states right? and they were kinda fake anyway. so no sorority. yayy

smiley sense: (: (:

2006-09-13T22:45:00.000-07:00

this is interesting hahaha

in every dorm hall right there's a council with a president, vice, treasurer etc etc. so in daniel's dorm there's this girl running for president and in an attempt to like win someone's vote, she stuck a packet of oreos on his door n left this message: kriss will this buy your vote! or something like that. then the other guys in the hall saw it n being boys, exchanged the oreos for a pack of condoms HAHA so when the poor dude saw it he was so. damn. shocked. especially since it was supposedly from a girl haha so with many hidden conotations

and when kriss finally saw liz (the girl running for prez) she asked him 'so did you like the treat i left you?' he was damn stunned. haha

here you go

2006-09-13T21:00:00.000-07:00

myth number o n e: american girls are big fat and tall.

untrue. mostly

most of them are bigger in size than asians of course but even so i wouldn't classify them as fat. they aren't that tall either. like er slow's height? hee hi SARA low (: yeah bout 2 inches taller than me? of course i'm still on the short side but actually not as significantly as i thought haha which is good cos i've worn my heels a total of one time since i got here. you have to walk way way too much n you'd be crazy to wear heels all the time. unless you love blisters.

and they aren't that fat. i mean they are bigger but that's in general like total size. not all of them actually have like bulging bellies and big butts. their frame's just bigger. so i guess in some ways its good.. i don't feel so dwarfed haha but then i'm not all that skinny either ): oh well you win some you lose some.

and and i just finished my econs homework omg its damn hard hahaha i'm so dumb. i get all the answers correct but i have no idea why. its completely based on guess work haha not good. and omg my first econs discussion last week totally suckked. it started at 840am and was suppose to end at 10am but it ended at 845am!!!!!!!!!! omg i woke up for nothing!!!!!!!!!!!!! well i know that's not gonna happen tomorrow.

2006-09-12T08:43:00.000-07:00

it's morning and i have a one o'clock class heee so i can scribble something now.

i'm really really sorry that i've been so bad at keeping in touch and replying emails so slowly. thanks for actually emailing me and i do read it! i'm so sorry i'm taking so long to reply! i will try harder. the other day i called becky and that made me so happy (: made me realise that i miss you guys so so so so so much. you're irreplaceable.

one reason why i've been so busy is that i'm rushing (no not in a hurry SARAH CHAN haha as in the proccess of joining kinda thing) for sororities. it's a really complicated, long, formal, tiring, long proccess. it's like everyday from 6pm to 11pm then after that i still have to do my school work and go for other activities etc etc. it's really so tedious and tiring i feel like giving up. basically for now you visit all fifteen of the sorority houses talk to about three girls then decide your top nine houses to revisit. we've jus gotten through this round and i've ranked my top nine houses.

i don't know if i should continue cause firstly, i don't even get along that that well with the girls. they're nice we can talk but i don't click instantly with them. i don't dislike them either so i'm like sitting on neutral ground. sometimes it feels like sucha chore (which i'm sure it's not suppose to cos banana 'loves it') that maybe it's really not that thing for me. i mean the senior sisters are nice enough and they make you feel welcomed and all but that's their job right?

there were two particular houses that felt especially comfy but i don't know.. living in with 60 girls for a year (which is a mandatory policy) just does not sound good.

i think i'll go for a few more rush things and see how it goes. and see if i have time for other things. please please someone tell me if i should join a sorority. confused.

daniel and i have the strangest relationship ever. i hope we don't drift into a jon and shuling thing haha sorry shuu.. which we seem to be now cos i see him so damn much and talk to him so damn much and he's like my person. i think i don't just see him everyday. i see him a few times everyday. which kinda freaks me out cos i still like and want to see him and i'm not sick of him or anything at all. he's still interesting. and he's being damn nice about it. he said i can just take my time and decide and we'll take things slowly (:

this was not suppose to happen the first year i'm here.

anyway i'm going off. psych lecture!

smiley sense: (: (:

2006-09-09T23:12:00.000-07:00

hey it's like 13degrees and i'm wearing shorts and a spag HAHA

i'm so proud of myself heee

2006-09-09T22:51:00.000-07:00

photoss! yumm

being retardeddd

success! hahaha

inka felicia me mel

me RENA felicia mel inka

2006-09-09T22:42:00.000-07:00

i am still not really getting used to this blogging thing haha sorryy

anyway i feel slightly more settled in now cos i've kinda found a 'group' of girls whom i'm close to to hang out with (: but i don't know why i still feel kinda apprehensive about it. maybe cos most of them are older than me and one of them is an exchange student so they'll all be leaving sooner than me.. ohwell it's good for now and we really have alot of fun together. the other night we were jus pigging out (we made oreo milkshakes and had two tubs of ice cream!) and watching dvds and i almost forgot i was in ann arbor. it felt like i was back in singapore hanging out with friends. it felt good.

tomorrow's also the first day of sorority rush which i feel very doubtful about. i'm kinda only going to convince myself i won't like it. if by some miracle i do then yayy! more girlie buddies (: but i somehow doubt i'll click well with them. ohwell i'm in america might as well give this sorority thing a try right?

another thing is that for some reason i've lost all urges to party here. the partying here is really all about getting drunk and hooking up with someone which i think really sucks. nothing compared to the mamboooo which i miss so much. they were so fuun ): ): ): cos of the lousy partying, i havn't really been partying and.. shhh don't tell anyone but i've always thought of myself as a party-er HAHA so now it feels kinda weird that i'm one of those people protesting against the parties. god everything sounds bad doesn't it. i'm sure it'll get better once i start joining other activities.. and school stuff all falls into place.. i hope so.

2006-09-02T00:17:00.000-07:00

hey it's been awhile.

my parents finally left today. i dunno if finally is a good word to use cos i mean initially i always just wanted them to leave but now i'm kinda starting to miss my mommy already. it'll probably feel worse when it really sinks in when i realise i really have no one here.

omg i really have no one. i can't really click with all the americans; maybe at most with amanda cos she's really really nice and we do get along really well but still not totally. don't even have to think about all the other americans cos i've only been meeting people on a hi-bye basis now.. which suckks. i don't think i'll ever find a tight group of close girl friends. i miss you guys ): the singaporeans are alright. the boys are really nice and we get along quite well and some of the girls too but i'm scared of being 'one of those people'.

now some times i really just think to hell with it i don't care if i'm one of those people anymore i really do just get along with the singaporeans/asians better so that's just the way its gonna be. fullstop. they're just more.. amusing people haha the americans get kinda lame and boring some times. their sense of humor's too.. showy. i don't care if i'm gonna be a nerd with no friends now, let the inner nerd shine!

oh i click quite well with the indonesian girl from uwc! felicia (: and the other indo girls too who're my seniors. they're really nice and unaffected by all the american culture. not in a 'in your face i'm so proud to be singaporean way' but just not changing. which is nice (: plus they have cars.

my other problem involves something i should not talk about here.. just in case. it's what you all warned me not to do haha funny right that in the end it's just the thing that dumb me has to do haha well i hope it sorts itself out cos i don't feel like caring about it and maybe in some ways i really just don't care.. but i hope i don't ruin something good.

wow this is like the first moment i've had alone in four days. wow. one last chip then i'm off to shower!

2006-08-31T15:53:00.000-07:00

omg i think i just did something really bad and i can't face myself with it. i don't even know why i did it and i wish it never happened. like i wanna just forget it eeeeks. becky do you know what i'm talking about? shit i'm not gonna tell you

): i want to be forgiven and unjudged

2006-08-28T20:56:00.000-07:00

me in my bathroom heee

my roooom!

bed n deskk

oh so very tired. today we had advising for what courses to take and so on and i thought it would be really useful especially like how to get into biz school. then when i had my appointment my advisor just like agreed with everything i said! 'that's great!' 'that sounds good!' OMG so it wasn't relaly like advising. it was like agreeing. sighh ohwell i hope i chose good courses. i'm doing econ, english writing and lit, psych and american culture. n i hope i get all my classes tomorrow!

my mom has been super psycho n has grown very attached to me. its like she doesn't want to leave and the more she's like that the more i want her to leave. so she's not helping herself. and i think this mini holiday thing to canada has helped me in a way that i won't be homesick. abundant family time before i go off for uni haha

2006-08-27T16:17:00.000-07:00

argh ok i'm so sick of registrating for classes. and looking up everything on the course guide. and checking requirements. then fullfilling requirements. blaaah ok i give up.

ack i really suck at this using the internet to research shit. haha

2006-08-23T21:58:00.000-07:00

but my God its so beautiful when the boy smiles
i want to hold him
but maybe ill just write about it

i miss you ):

2006-08-23T21:50:00.000-07:00

ok this hotel were staying at now really sucks. i cant even begin to describe how bad it is. its has FLIES. and MOTHS. and when you turn on the hot water like ice cubes come out. thankfully when you turn on the cold water hot water comes out haha anyway, the shower is damn dark and grimy and there isnt even a place for you to put your shampoo stuffs. the pillows are flat and and grrrr this hotel sucks.

the only good thing must be that theres internet so i can complain about it hahaha

i wish you all would come online more ): i miss you guys bunches. it feels like my holiday should be ending just bout now n i should be heading home.. but im not and i still have a long way to go ):

went to by a ton of towels and bedsheets today at target hee i love target! and theyre all nice greens and blues and stripey! and omg target sells these teeshirts that are like the queen couture ones but guess what! they only cost nine bucks! hahahaha oh i bought a cool hair dryer too that can also be used as a weapon and a pretty cup (:

2006-08-23T07:48:00.000-07:00

BECKY THIS IS FOR YOU hahahaha

nice normal SOFT grass yayy

canadian neighborhood! so peaceful (:

2006-08-23T07:41:00.000-07:00

oh yeah I jus noticed something haha the pads here are like super extra long. like even the normal ones you buy are like the night time ones in Singapore. strange right? does that mean .. hms. nevermind hahaha

2006-08-23T07:39:00.000-07:00

I just went to see a doctor and he gave me a nasal spray. hmms.

Anyway, we went to the CNE (Canadian National Exhibition) yesterday and it was suppose to be like some fun fair like thing but guess what! There were these factory outlet exhibitions too! Heeheeheee and everything was like damn super cheap. I bought three tshirts for TEN dollars and two pairs of leggings for a dollar each. Omg I was so excited heehee and one of the tshirts was a tootsie roll tee! Yayy yummy.

Then we saw a human cannon ball dude. Woohoo.

Later in the evening we went shopping again but this time it was for like my uni dorm stuff. So I picked out all these nice big fluffy towels, pretty bedsheets and cups and so on at this shop called ‘The Bay’. This nice sales lady helped me select a comfy mattress padding thing that was at a good price too. Then when I was happily bout to go and pay my brother came along and told me everything was damn expensive, like three times that in the states. So he made me put everything back. grr. All my shopping gone. growl.

2006-08-20T17:37:00.000-07:00

I’m now sitting in the car on a four drive up to Canada just to visit friends for lunch. My dad asked us to help him look out for it and I asked him what’s it and he said ‘Canada’. So what does Canada look like? The grass is greener!

It’s really interesting what Americans do in there car as they drive. They smoke. They drink coffee and eat donuts. The females put on make up. They BRUSH THEIR TEETH.

Anyway, the flight really sucked. Besides stopping over in Hong Kong, we also transited in Chicago which was a major disaster. We had one and a half hours to clear immigration, customs, collect luggage, check in again (at another terminal on the other side of the airport somemore) and go through security checks. Oh yeah and carrying a bag and a laptop. Omg I thought I could die and the dumb Americans are really super inefficient. They’ll like take your passport and boarding pass to check, whilst talking to someone, take a sip of their coffee, check the time ad like go to the bathroom before giving it back to you! OMGGGGG so lots of exercise was done in the Chicago airport. Well done.

hahaha guess what. The road signs in Canada are for some reason in French and they also convert km to miles for you! (the Canadians use the metric systems but they’re scared the dumb Americans won’t understand it)

And I’m falling sick ):

2006-08-20T17:36:00.000-07:00

i wasn’t suppose to miss you at all. and as bad as it sounds, I didn’t think i would really like you so much. at least I’m being honest right? honestly is the best policy right. hee. now I’ve just made myself sad. grr this sucks. you suck. ):

number o n e

2006-08-20T17:29:00.000-07:00

sitting on an airplane for 13 (THIRTEEN) hours is no joke. too much time to think and nobody to tell all my thoughts to ): so here it goes..

becky! (this is your color! Remember how we chose colors for everyone on our very free visit to art friend?) don’t be sad. Not don’t be too sad but just don’t be sad. I mean I’ll be back before you know it and we’ll have more than enough time to be retarded again. This is temporary. A slight glitch (a HUMP!) in our divine plan of ultimate retardedness through late night eating (to cover suppers and baking) sessions. Hee (: so don’t be sad. And don’t think that Singapore doesn’t mean anything to me. Cos despite all the complaining I do about how much I loathe Singapore, deep down I’ll always have a soft spot for it. For the smelly hawker centers and buses filled with heartlanders. For the hot and humid weather and the uneducated ways some.. locals speak. For the bloody annoying taxi drivers. And even for the road-side ice cream and milos.

chrissssie before I left, I don’t think I really understood all that we’ve really really gone thro together. You were my first friend and lasted all the way til the end. Though there were times when we weren’t as close, it seems that fate drew us together again (: we started as classmates and we ended as classmates, how lucky is that? And just because of that I got to spend so much more time with you and got to know you so much better. The time alone made us closer. So thank you and thank God we were tossed together.

and and. I’m sorry I didn’t cry at the airport. It doesn’t mean I love you all less. It was just too god damn early for my eyes to be functioning properly. One day, I’ll be sitting in my pathetic little dorm room and it’ll hit me that all of you are far far away and I’ll pick up the phone to call someone and bawl. And classic shuling. I love you darlingss.

then I sat on the plane and I listened to breathe and when my favorite part came I thought about when I sat on your bed and told you that this, this! was my favorite part. then I cried.

Well, whoever reads this I hope its just that – reading. Don’t think too much about it cos it’s really just here for you to read. For me maybe not but what it means to me and what it means to you is undoubtedly different. So, just read.